The Keys To Healthy And Happy Life
Why is it so important to forgive and forget? I have had days when I lost it with someone. When someone hurt me and I became enraged even though I may just have fallen into a victim mentality. I could not forgive the person that had offended me. I was angry, fuming. I was uncomfortable with everything and everybody in my life. I just wanted the person I was mad at to disappear. I wanted the event to disappear completely be erased from existence. Well, they and it didn’t. Yet, at some point, cooler heads did prevail. The interesting thing was that many times the person I was angry with didn’t even know it. They didn’t realize that they had offended me in the manner that I felt they did. Yet it is easy to say forgive and forget but not always simple to do.
An interesting fact about the previous statement is that it is not always someone else who has been the culprit. The malefactor may even be you. I have countless times worked with clients that had a self-forgiveness issue. Not being able to let go of guilt about something that happened years previously. Mental self-flagellation can be the worst punishment one can administer to themselves at times. It gets you stuck and keeps you there. Not only does holding on to fear, anger and pain irritate the psyche it also can attack the body in many ways. It can cause stress and anxiety and these, in turn, may produce severe negative physical maladies. We all know what stress can do to one’s health. Remember perfection is impossible. Realize you did your best you could at the time.
“Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong,” Mahatma Gandhi
A True Forgive And Forget Meaning
As I stated earlier forgiving someone, anyone including yourself is not always easy. But is it worth the effort? Forgiveness is not just a spiritual practice. It also reaches into the areas of your mental and emotional health. Decades of research from the field of positive psychology researchers have found that learning to forgive and practicing this ability has positive effects on states of anxiety, stress and even depression.
How To Forgive And Forget
Learning how to forgive and forget when someone hurts you can give a sense of personal peace as well as be a positive factor in creating a healthy life. But how and why is this so? The answer to that is simple. When achieving the ability and the understanding of how to forgive and forget in a relationship or any other circumstance it has very little to do with having anyone else feel better regarding the issues that may have occurred. It is about reducing the strain that their so-called infractions may have caused you to feel.
Steps and Stages Of Forgiving
- Personal Honesty… Take stock of the issue at hand. Are you looking at the issue with a hurt ego or even from a victims perspective. Truly how has the problem damaged and the injured you? What are the effects on your life?
Be honest with yourself about your anger and hurt, and assess the full damage. Many times when you have been offended in some way you may not be able to see that the actual issue itself is passed. There was no real burden placed upon you. It is then that the advantages of forgiving and forgetting may overwhelm holding on.
- Your Choice… What does it mean to forgive someone? Basically, it is a choice you make to let it go. if you weigh out the benefits of continuing on the path of anger and resentment all that brings you is anger and resentment. Once you make the conscious decision to let it go and forgive the perpetrator you will remove yourself from the personal pain you are experiencing. The negativity and hostility you cling to won’t do you any good.
- Obligation… What is your obligation to try and understand why someone has offended you? It may help you n moving to understand the stimuli that have occurred for someone to really send any sort of negative energy towards you. What issues in their past has stimulated this occurrence?
How have they been wounded in the past? What kind of personal situation are they experiencing at the moment such as stress or anxiety? Sometimes it may be important to forgive but never forget. This would be paramount in an abusive situation. In less critical situations, however, it may be good to forgive, best to forget. A good example would be in learning how to forgive your spouse for past mistakes. You can you forgive without forgetting but that will only play on your mind and we have discussed that there may be numerous negative outcomes for you personally.
- Self-realization… Ok, so you have been hurt. Something nasty came up. You could get angry and try to just move past it. Or you can do something about like learn from it. You can take action towards eliminating the issue altogether. I am not saying become a victim and change yourself or what you do because someone has made a nasty comment. Like a situation of how to forgive your husband for saying hurtful things. He will continue to do this because that is the way he is unless there is some form of positive, and I am emphasizing positive, intervention. Explain how he has hurt you. Get counseling. Don’t just react but learn to move towards a common goal.
- How Long... So one of the big questions I get is how long does it take to forgive and forget. The simple answer to that is as long as it takes. The quicker the better, for you that is. The quicker you learn how to forgive and move on in a relationship or any other situation the faster you will move towards a happy state of mind and health. Again understand learning how to forgive someone who isn’t sorry does not mean that you should continue putting yourself in that position.
How To Tell Someone You Forgive Them
Telling someone that you were upset with their words or actions may difficult to experience. Once you move past it another hurdle can be letting that person know that you have done so. If you have freed yourself from some form of torment would it not be kind to let the other part know as well? As long as you do this from the heart and not from ego you can really mend a bridge. forgiveness in marriage is a good example. If both parties know that when they hurt the other, and this will happen because no relationship is perfect, there is mutual forgiveness and let’s face it sometimes making up can be a real joy.
In order to forgive and forget one must learn to both take and let go of control simultaneously. Forgiveness is very much like a flower bulb. It does not look all that nice at the start. However, when you plant it in the soil of your mind, heart, and soul it grows to be a beautiful flower with many petals of happiness. The opposite can be true as well. If you do not forgive it can fester and blacken your heart with sadness that will not be overcome. Let me refer to the popular adage “to err is human, to forgive is divine. Notice however it does not state easy. There are ways to justify this yet the best outcome is always forgiveness.
In this podcast, you will learn:
- Why forgiving releases you from pain.
- Steps or stages of forgiving.
- The 10 keys of forgiveness?
Join us on this episode of Unlocking Your Truth, Forgive And Forget, An Adage To Live By, and learn about how to go to that place of forgiveness for others and for yourself.
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Unlocking Your Truth is my weekly radio show where we discuss all things metaphysical like Forgive And Forget, An Adage To Live By! And much more! The show airs on CIVL 101.7 FM at 7-8PM (Pacific Time) every Tuesday evening or live-stream the show at CIVL.ca. During each of our Unlocking Your Truth episodes, we also answer email questions from our listeners (click here to submit a question) as well as occasionally do readings live on air for our call in guests. You can call in 604.504.7441 ext 4142 and ask anything you want. You can also join us on simultaneous Facebook Live broadcasts of Unlocking Your Truth with Dr. Lesley.