Do You Feel That You Are To Blame?
Are you looking for an answer to overcoming victim mentality and move forward on your life journey? It can be a real challenge. Let’s take a serious look at some of the issues around leaving this concern behind.
What Is A Victim And Victim Mentality?
Let’s look at a victim mentality definition as defined by Wikipedia: “Victim mentality is an acquired personality trait in which a person tends to recognize themselves as a victim of the negative actions of others, and to behave as if this were the case in the face of contrary evidence of such circumstances.
Victim mentality depends on clear thought processes and attribution. In some cases, those with a victim mentality have in fact been the victim of wrongdoing by others or have otherwise suffered misfortune through no fault of their own. However, such misfortune does not necessarily imply that one will respond by developing a pervasive and universal victim mentality where one frequently or constantly perceives oneself to be a victim.”
The term is also used in reference to the tendency for recognizing one’s misfortunes on somebody else’s misdeeds, which is also referred to as a
Childhood Trauma And Victim Mentality
It may be the result of childhood circumstances, such as having a parent who had a victim mentality, or by being victimized as a child. Or there may have been an unfortunate set of circumstances that led to this belief set. Because not everyone who experiences such circumstance develops a victim mentality, in some sense it is a choice that can be undone.
Playing victim lets you not accept responsibility for anything. Others feel sorry for you, treat you with kid gloves, try not to upset you, and pay extra attention to you. You can manipulate things so you get what you want. You might get to be the center of attention, telling your story of woes. You feel righteous and avoid taking a deeper look at yourself.
Most people who display a victim mentality will end up spinning their wheels and getting stuck in their personal and spiritual growth because they seem to feel there are things wrong in their life. And that they are not responsible for the issues. Unfortunately, these individuals usually end up in some form of depression and are not pleasant to associate with. They are negative and spend a good part of their day issuing complaints of some sort.
You know these people. They are the glass half empty folks. This is just a representation of the inner story they are running. Their main motto is “nobody understands me”. They are amazing at finding the negativity in everything especially any concept of a resolution to their woes that anyone may suggest.
Overcoming Victim Mentality
First, it may be important to look at how a playing the victim personality disorder could have been acquired. We were not born that way. We came here as a beautiful bright Spirit your true nature, to have a human experience. Then life happens.
It may be the result of childhood circumstances, such as having a parent who had a victim mentality, or by being victimized or bullied as a child. There may have been an unfortunate set of circumstances that led to this belief set. Now your challenge is overcoming victim mentality.
How To Stop Playing The Victim
Because not everyone who experiences such circumstance develops a victim mentality, in some sense it is a choice, basically victimizing yourself, and that can be undone. You can take the steps to learn how to handle a victim personality. Unfortunately, many people have had outside sources that have sent them into this tailspin.
There is something called “secondary gain” in the psychology community. Basically, it is an ulterior motive to many negative emotional states.
Often victim mentality and depression go hand in hand and how do you treat people in a depressive state? Usually with kind caring sentiment and actions. This is when the subconscious kicks in and notices this. It likes it. It then decides to continue along this path. It does so because all of a sudden it understands the correlation between the individual’s state of mind and the way they are now being codled. This is not always obvious to the sufferer nor the enabler.
The point is that there is some pleasure gained in seeking sympathy while being in crisis because a person gets love and support in that way.
How To Deal With Someone Who Plays The Victim
It is important to understand that the responsibility of rescuing people who are searching for ways of overcoming victim mentality does not fall on your shoulders no matter how victimized they may feel. Regardless of how it started, they need to liberate themselves from feeling victimized. You can be supportive by all means but remember negativity loves the company and that energy attracts more of the same. It is a Universal law of attraction.
Basically, a crap magnet attracts crap and does so consistently. It has no conscious when it comes to doing so. If you are standing in the vicinity for too long you will get hit with some. All you can do is be there. But take care that the negativity doesn’t rub off on you. You can be pulled down just like you would in a whirlpool pool if you swam to close.
Just like with any addiction, and it is an addiction, there needs to be self-awareness before steps can be taken to move past the issues. Once they see recognize that they are suffering from a victim mentality and realize just how self-defeating it truly is they can begin down the road to alter their behavior and break free.
Like with any other attitudinal or emotional issue you may have to manifest in your life it is not always easy to recognize the problem. So how do you become aware that you are suffering from a victim mentality and self-sabotaging your life? There are signs that can be evident.
In Pain – Need A Healing?
Recognizing Victim Mentality
9 signs that you may be wallowing in self-pity and displaying a victim mentality:
- Premature Surrender… If you think about starting something you generally look for all the reasons it will not work and quite before you get going. And you have all the excuses to go with your personal failure. and of course, it is usually someone else’s fault.
- You Are An Escape Artist… You are a professional at making excuses and avoidance. This allows you to not complete what you may have started. The real reason is that you lack self-confidence.
- Give Up Control… You do not take responsibility for things in your life. You want other people to be in the driver’s seat and then when things go wrong you can blame them
- Negative Belief System… You listen to that little voice within you that says “you can’t”. You are your worst critic and you believe it because of course “you are not good enough”.
- Burnout… You drive yourself too hard and then when you are spent and are failing you as for help but it is too late. The train has left the station but now you can put the blame on someone else for the failure. How could it be your fault, you tried so hard.
- People Pleasing… You spend your life trying to please everyone else. You do this because you want to be liked; not out of the goodness of your heart. Then you can feel resentful about it because you “have no life”.
- Addictive Personality… You run from responsibility. Failure is dreaded and you are always giving so it also imminent. In order to escape this, you bury yourself in drugs, alcohol or even sex.
- Self-Loathing… You blame yourself and then punish yourself for your failures. And then to make this a self-fulfilling prophecy you self-sabotage.
- Blame… You revel in blame. It is always someone else who has caused all the misfortune in your life.
Here are 10 simple steps you can take to overcoming victim mentality:
- Take responsibility: You will feel more empowered and your life will change as a result.
- Let go of entitlement and set yourself some goals to go after.
- Work on yourself, explore different therapies and modalities to release past trauma.
- Change your core limiting beliefs (these energy patterns can be intentionally altered).
- Alter self-perception: you made it this far, still alive, you’re a survivor, not a victim.
- Cultivate compassion for yourself and others, even those you think are persecutors.
- Practice helpful vibrations, such as gratitude, love, acceptance.
- Find techniques such as meditation, affirmations, journaling, can help you reset.
- Focus on others for a change, do something loving for someone else.
- Validate yourself, think about your skills, good points of your life, be more assertive.
You may not recognize some of the signs but if you do it is important to take action. If you want any sort of loving, fun happy, fulfilling life you must turn this victim mentality around. Engulfing yourself in regular meditation practice is a great way to do so.
When you meditate you are actually getting in contact with your higher self. That identity is that of Spirit. Spirit is not bound by time or space; it has no real ulterior motives other than your welfare, after all, it is part of you and you are part of the great being, the Universe, God. It will help cut out the self-critic. Start living your life and enjoying it. Remember always that you are the light of the world.
Join us on this episode of Unlocking Your Truth, How Overcoming Victim Mentality Can Save Your Life as we discuss a very common problem, playing the victim personality disorder.
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