Are You Taking On Too Much Responsibility For Others And Suffering For It?
No sense of self can lead to personal disaster and no sense of self meaning. This can happen very suddenly and without much warning oneness and merging are confused. In the last blog post, I talked about two aspects of the fourth chakra called oneness and affinity.
Many people misinterpret these aspects of the heart chakra, especially as played out in personal relationships. A common point of confusion is to believe that oneness is the same as merging. This is not true and merging is a body level concept that deals with personal identity and self-identity which are critical to being able to develop a sense of self-worth.
What Is Merging?
Merging is what happens when people misinterpret affinity and oneness. If you have these concepts confused then you may have a tendency to take responsibility for others. You may judge others, have expectations of them and not accept them as they are. You might even attempt to control them and change them into how you want them to be. These traits are very common in family dynamics between husbands and wives, between children and parents and also to some extent in the workplace.
Merging causes you to experience the physical reality of another, such as their emotions and a lack of sense of self. You may even find yourself mistakenly feeling an emotion that you think is yours, but is really that of another person. It is therefore important, while in a body to maintain a sense of self. Then you are able to better relate to your body and its emotions, as well as to other people and the physical world around you. When you maintain your space from others you can tune into your unique life purpose and be empowered to make decisions about how you wish to live your life.
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How To Overcome Identity Crisis And No Sense Of Self
Life is not like a straight line from point A to point B. It is full of surprises that can throw you for loops. If you do not have a firm sense of who you are, self, it can end up being quite overwhelming.
You have seen pictures or movies with people climbing mountains like Everest or the like. Conditions at the best of times can be severe but these people have planned their time. Put yourself in that scenario. You have physically worked out so you can be in shape for the climb. You begin your trek at the appointed time to give you and your team the best opportunity of taking advantage of the best weather conditions.
Then a storm hits and you are stranded high up the mountain. This could cause panic and you could be facing real danger. But because you and your team have trained not only your physical bodies but your mental and emotional states as well you stay safe until the storm passes and finish your adventure.
This is very similar to having an issue with your self-identity. You run into the storms of life and if you have little or no sense of self you may flounder. Your life may seem to stall and you end up spinning your wheels. Loss of identity is one of the major challenges you may face in this human existence. An identity disorder can cause chronic feelings of emptiness, unhappiness, and even depression.
A lack of self-identity can keep you from ever establishing a loving happy relationship. It can stop you from creating and enjoying a fulfilling career. It can also limit your friendship circle. Rejection is definitely one of the side effects of a lack of self-awareness disorder. No one, not even you enjoy being around you.
Developing A Sense Of Self
So what is the answer? How do start down that road of becoming self-aware? There are some steps you can take to get over no sense of self-identity. Some of them may take some real soul searching but the benefits of self-awareness are well worth the effort.
Here are a few things you can do if you are suffering from an issue with no sense of self or an identity crisis:
- Selecting Honest Values… Personal values are an important p[asrt of knowing yourself. In life people, society, media are constantly trying to tell you what your values should be. They do this for particular reasons which usually ends up as a gain for them in some manner. Believing in the values of others has you invariably operating against yourself. Your true values are there.
Values will give you a more apparent sense of self. Some of the benefits of self-awareness are clarity and focus, an increase in self-confidence and esteem, as well as an increase in personal energy. It can be a tough slug but definitely worth the work.
- Set Your Boundaries… saying no can be difficult if your sense of self is low. Yet do things that you really do not want to do can rob you of your energy. It can deflate your sense of self even further. It can also make you bitter. Stop lying to yourself when faced with the possibility of doing something that is really against the values you have come to establish and realize.
- Stop Being A People Pleaser… This goes hand in hand with learning how to say that tiny little word ‘no’. You can’t please everyone. The only person that you need to please on every occasion is you. When you say yes to someone make sure that it is your real desire. Let’s face it you will not give your best to someone if you are regretting doing it from the start. It is not fair to you nor them.
- Stop All Self-Judgment… Self- acceptance is a big step towards getting past an identity crisis issue. Negative thinking begets more negative thinking. Henry Ford said it simply but best, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right”. What you focus on grows and if you keep thinking negatively you will keep attracting negativity. Positive language is an important part of developing self-worth.
Watch what you say. Make it positive. Focus on the positive of everything you do even if you do not succeed at it. Failure is a part of life. Get up, dust off, and try again until you succeed. Success is the best deterrent for failure and the emotions that come with it. By the way, no one ever said it would be easy just worth it.
- Take A Breather… Stop stressing out. Stress is a major negative factor in life. If you are stressed you will have a difficult time thinking straight and working on the other aspects of improving your sense of self. The best way to do beat stress is to create a meditation or mindfulness practice. Just a few minutes of personal time can help you revamp and handle the anxiety relating issues that come your way.
You are a very special person. You are the physical embodiment of your Spirit. Spirit has great power so in turn you can as well. The best way to get in touch with your higher self, Spirit, is to meditate. You are the light of the world.
- Solitude Is Rejuvenating… A friend of mine used to say ‘how will you ever miss me if you don’t go away”. The same holds true for getting to know yourself. How will you ever get to know yourself if you don’t go and be by yourself? The world is always buzzing and busy. It is hard to think straight when you are deep in the buzz. It is nice to feel the peace that being alone can bring.
Yet the thought of being alone can be fearful. There is definitely an awareness that when you are alone everything that you have been trying to avoid thinking about will show in the landscape of your mind. Thoughts are things. These things will come and if you wait for a moment they will go. There is no need t focus on them. Once you practice this you will learn that you are in control, you always have been, and you can choose which thoughts and emotions you want to focus on, select the good ones. Let the rest dissolve in your alone time. It is another form of meditation.
- Get Assistance… There is nothing wrong with reaching out. whether you find a therapist to help you with your journey or someone like myself who is a spiritual coach. An outside perspective is always clearer. The best part is they are unbiased and impartial. They speak the truth. They can help you take notice of any negativity you bring up as well as support you on the positive.
Developing a sense of self in adulthood or in your youth will steer you nearer to a life that offers you contentment, and fulfillment. You are definitely deserving of no less.
Join us on this episode of Unlocking Your Truth that discusses, No Sense Of Self Can Lead To Personal Disaster as we discuss some of the issues around creating a sense of self-worth.
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